This is My Boom Stick!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Open Letter to Next Teenage Shooter

It's getting old.

I realize you are a sad, depressed, pissed off, dark, tortured asshole kid and that you want to kill yourselve. That's cool. And I realize that you are a vain little prick who wants to make headlines with your suicide. Hey, no one blames you. But would a little originality kill you? No pun intended.

This recent guy, Robert Hawkins (aka The Butt Plug), who got fired from McDonalds - which btw, you gotta be a dumb motherfucker to get fired from McDonalds - and who's girlfriend dumped him (probably cause he worked at McDonalds) has to be one of the lamest of all the suicide kids.

I mean, c'mon. Shooting people and then shooting yourself?!? Fvcking BORING!

Kim Jong-il probably killed 1000 people today. Al Qaeda probably got a few too. And you know some Africans got killed in diamond caves. So, shooting suburban moms is really unimpressive. I.E., you are lame.

So, here's my appeal to all the future unwanted children that grow up to be Butt Plugs:

Please be more creative with your suicide.

And please do this with out taking other people's lives. I mean, that's just rude, uncalled for, and about as unoriginal as sitcoms on the WB.

Let me give you some suggestions for more original ways to die...

1. Saturate a hang glider in gasoline. Ignite the hang glider just before flying to your doom. How fvcking cool would that be?

2. Take parachuting lessons. Get good enough to where they let you do it by yourself. Then jump out of the plane and play chicken with the Earth. See how long you can go with out pulling the rip cord. Maybe you'll win.

3. Steal a Classic Car. Something sweet like a GTO. Then load the trunk with containers of extra fuel and ride that puppy right into the grand canyon. Die like a bad ass.

4. Call 911 and say someone fitting your description has a gun. Then when the police arrive act crazy and keep your hand under your shirt. At some point run at the cops screaming and pretend to pull a gun out. That should do it.

5. Travel to the Sudan and name a teddy bear Mohammed.

6. Go to Zoo and jump over fence. Sucker punch nearest polar bear.

7. Go out and watch a movie staring some actor you can't stand. Then slit your wrists casually during the film. This makes a statement. Also, get the big popcorn with extra butter.

8. Get a lot of weed and try to smoke yourself to death. It won't work and you won't get famous but, man, you will probably have the best time of your life.

9. Write, direct, and produce an independent film where your character dies at the end. But really kill yourself.

10. Go over the Niagara Falls on a surf board.

You get the point. You can easily kill yourself AND make the news with out actually injuring any one else. Then at least you don't die an asshole on top of already living life as a loser.

C'mon people, let's make this happen! And please youtube as much of it as possible...

Friday, May 04, 2007

Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, Selfish Children

The republicans are like sexist, racist, homophobic, selfish children. They, collectively, should be taxed more for being such a bunch of narrow minded ass fvcks whose views and actions on life are directly responsible for the hatred our country experiences from other countries, the poor education system, the over population problem, the pollution problem, and the inflated expenses incurred by a “hire your buddy” approach toward governing. They can also claim this war, the dissolving of the constitution, and deaths of over 3000 soldiers and over 1000 Katrina victims.

People should be ashamed to be associated with that party at this point in time. And Ronald Reagan was a bad president. Russia collapsed because of fundamental flaws with communism’s ability to compete against capitalism. Give credit to the guy who invented capitalism and free trade not Ronald Reagan. And as far as Reagan helping the economy; anyone incurring a crazy debt and spending non-stop for 8 years will help boost the economy in the short run. Giving him props for being an economic guru also falls into the “narrow minded ass fvcks” category.

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

You had a woman convicted for sucking your dick!

I thought about this title for this post...

Norwegian Sally Pants Charges Woman with Rape After She Sucks His Gay Dick

I mean, holy sh!t. Holy "cock gobblin reach around" sh!t. If this guy is not gay then at least it's safe to say he'll die alone. No girl will suck his dick after this fiasco... and I'm thinking some of his boyfriends might have second thoughts about it too.

Wow... woman goes to jail for a blow job. This is how you know the last days are near.

Friday, December 08, 2006

BBC Says Indian Men Have Small Dicks

(Apparently two inches wins "Big Dick" award in India.)

Wow... It really sucks to be an Indian guy today. It's not every day a world renowned news source reports that an entire county's male population is below average in penis size. But damn, it's funny.

Favorite quote from article,

"And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist's shop and ask for a smaller size condom."

... yeah, I bet you do. LMFAO!!!

See full story here.

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Mitt Romney is a Loser

Gov. Romney is on a campaign to end gay marriage. What is loser.

I have never woke up and had a bad day because a gay married another gay. I have never lost any money because of homos wanting to be married. I have never been caused one iota of grief by gay people doing anything.

I'm just tired of these standard politicians blabbing on and on about sh!t that does not matter. If a gay wants be married what do I care? Did this loser forget there is a war going on?

And how much time has this guy, his advisors, and the media spent on this issue? What does that add up to in dollars? Fvckin losers.

Seriously, if you ever voted for this guy or are ever even thinking about voting for this guy just do the world a favor and stay home on election day. You're not qualified to vote... and you probably shouldn't drive either. Just stay where you are and don't make any quick movements... the retard bus will be there to pick you up shortly.

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

America and Racism

There is a significant difference between ‘True Racists’ and the Mel Gibson / Michael Richards, aka Kramer, variety. Here’s the difference:

‘True Racists’ say racist stuff because they actually believe it and it makes them “feel better than others" to preach it. But guys like Mel and Mike just get angry and want to be hurtful in the most verbally extreme way they can think of. So one is preaching racial superiority and one is just angry and lashing out. It's a big difference and it's one that I'm not sure America is sophisticated enough to differentiate.

Here’s an example;

True Racist:

Notice, he takes himself seriously. He’s not about to apologize. His logic is clearly flawed but it works for him because it makes him “feel better than others”. He is a real loser.

I hope this helps clarify things. Some people just need anger management, some people are just stupid.

The only appropriate place for racism is jokes. They teach us not to take ourselves so seriously. So laugh a little you cracker b!tch n!gger spic mick fag fvckers!!!


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Anyone Up for Some Asian Jokes?

All I keep thinking when I see this Kramer Going Crazy Video is that Mel Gibson has got to be thanking Jebus because he's no longer the main racist guy in Hollywood. He should send Kramer a freakin thank you.

The other thing I keep thinking is how did the next comic on stage handle the situation? What did he say? "Is anyone up for some Asian Jokes?" or "Did you hear the one about the Pope, the Jew, and the Italian" or maybe "Anyone here hate homos?". I mean, how do you follow that?

They say things happen in threes... So be on the look out! I'm thinking Wesley Snipes is gonna have some Tard jokes for the US federal prosecutors. We can only hope.

Anyway, since we were talking about Asians, check out this clip...

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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Fun With Blenders

In what might be the best use of YouTube to advertise a product to date, Blendtec presents 'Will It Blend'. In this episode an entire can of coke is thrown in with some ice to make a coke smoothie.

I'm waiting for the blended coke + mentos smoothie... 2 litter, wrappers, and all!

Until then, enjoy the rest of the collection of 'Will It Blend'.

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